My wonderful son spent some serious time looking for music that would relax me. He done good! Check it out ->

"On October 16, 2011, Marconi Union created an eight minute track, titled "Weightless", in collaboration with the British Academy of Sound Therapy.

According to scientists at the Mindlab institution (a commercial 'neuromarketing' company) it induced a 65% reduction in overall anxiety and brought test subjects' resting pulse rates to 35% of their usual resting rates.


Wednesday, September 4, 2013

My Little Miracle

While I do take prescription meds, I have greatly reduced my dosage, and regularly refuse to take what is offered me by my health care providers. I research their suggestions, and have occasionally tried some, but generally decide that the side effects are not tolerable nor are the risks worthwhile. I like to maintain as much independence from modern pharmacology as possible.
I also use a variety of other techniques to help me find the balance I crave. Those sometimes include yoga, massage, hydrotherapy, mindfulness, music and sound therapy, aromatherapy, meditation, exercise, nutrition, and taking supplements. I avoid media that is violent, and over stimulative. I work at engaging in positive thinking, and try to laugh as often as possible. I try to keep on a regular schedule, and I try to surround myself with as calm, clean and minimalist an environment as is possible. (This is not easy while living with a teen and having limited means and a propensity to spend too much time on the internet). I avoid chemicals as much as possible, and I maintain a relationship with nature. I have tinkered with feng shui.
The supplements that I take are as follows:

A one- a-day multivitamin
A high potency B complex
Vitamin C
Vitamin E
Vitamin D ( a must for keeping depression at bay and purportedly very important in staving off cancers)
Fish oil
Flax seed oil (this is full of phytoestrogens and particularly good for your heart health, regularity and good for person with peri or post menopause)
Vitamin B1 (thiamine) which is good for those that regularly imbibe or take pharmaceuticals
Calcium magnesium and zinc complex (good for your nerves and relaxing muscles)
Milk thistle (for the liver)
Soy protein powder with amino acids (amino acids an essential for brain health)
A Super green formula with spirulina, chlorella, and kelp (good for energy and cleaning metals from the body)

I also drink green tea with a local raw honey, too much red wine, and add peppers, spices and herbs and garlic to my diet as often as possible. ( green tea for its antioxidants, the pepper and spices to decrease inflammation, the honey for allergies, what isn’t garlic good for? And the wine because dammit I enjoy it!)
I also eat organic fresh fruits and vegetables, yogurt, nuts, seeds and strive to keep my blood sugar regular by having small frequent meals and snacks.

And I wear a body balm that contains wild yam.

I am in the process of replacing outdated, outsourced, and chemical laden; fixtures, building materials, and furnishings in my home.  I pay attention to what I put on and in my body.

Am I healthy? Heck no! This regimen is what I *strive* to maintain and I regularly miss steps; it’s costly, time consuming, and I am easily distracted. I get lazy, I get hyper focused, I get hyper. I get distracted some more. I drink too much, I work too much, I zone out pretty often. I eat junk food. I’m an internet junkie and a movie addict. I fiddle. I talk a lot. I have people in my life that sometimes need me too much, people close to me that are sick and dying, and not enough people who offer up help and support. I worry about money, I worry about my son. I worry about my health. I worry about the world. I don’t get enough sex. I don’t do enough of the things I really like.

I am a work in progress… always. But the closer I keep to these activities and ideals the better I feel.  Always.

Warning: The above are what I believe to work for me and my personal challenges, are based on my research, and I am not advocating you try any of this without doing your own research and talking to your own professionals. Heck, you may find that what is good for me is horrible for you. That was my big disclaimer ok?! ‘Nuff said.

Here is my latest find, my almost miraculous miracle. Phosphatidyl Choline.  WebMD Some prefer the phosphatidylserine.

I use it to reduce cortisol levels in my body, as cortisol is well known for damaging organs in the body, causing weight gain and memory loss, and for someone such as myself who has chronic stress and anxiety; can have a calming effect and reduce stress and anxiety… two of the biggest enemies in my life. I must say without exaggerating that this supplement had an almost immediate effect. Within hours I had come what my son fondly now refers to me as “ambivalent mom”. I have fewer and weaker panic attacks. I worry less about stuff. I get sleepier sooner after taking this pill. I am a bit more tired during the day, but also I am more relaxed. Being a bit tired beats the heck out of moving from one panic attack to the next throughout the day. My son swears that from his perspective I have become a different person. If you think this may help you I would highly recommend trying this product!
Notes to my Doctor

I am not a lab rat. I am not a diagnosis, I am not a manila folder or a file on a computer, I am a person. Before I went to see a doctor, I believed that I was a bright, creative, passionate, and flawed but good person with infinite possibilities. Now I have become your label. I look in the mirror and see only limitations; the possibilities and potential have faded. Why even try. Whether you recognize it or not, you see me as a corporate lab rat, a number, and a statistic. My heart tells me I am not those things yet you persist. How ironic that you seek only to cure me with toxic and experimental chemicals, not as a human being, for if you were to treat I the human you would have to treat all of me. That would require nourishment, love, caring, help even. I understand it is difficult to love a statistic. Corporations and all their cogs can only love money. I am not money nor do I have much. I have become the unlovable statistic. There is no mercy or compassion for me. It is more profitable to treat than to cure. Fixes are in the eye of the beholder. Please remember that medicine is a practice, of a corporate and political nature, not a science and not necessarily humane.
It is interesting to find that so many experts in your field have so many varied fixes for that diagnosis that is me, the former human being. If all are right and insist others are wrong or recognize their failures, how can all suggest they are the ones with the proper answers for me? Whom do I trust?
Also you insist that all things can be fixed with your chemistry, you fail to admit that some things can be broken; a heart, a spirit, and while at times these things may be mended, it is never with your chemistry, but with humanness; will, drive, love, forgiveness, compassion, perseverance, time. Unless you have a time machine you cannot cure me of those things that are at the core of my trouble.
As with a dog that has been beaten for too long and too many times, I wince at what has hurt me before. You beckon me to it and congratulate yourself at your ingenuity.



They Call it Behavior Health (?!)

Really? Is that what this is all about? I have a behavior problem. Makes me sound like a little kid that simply needs a time out. Well I’ll tell you I do need a time out, from crap like this and their stupid labels.

I had a prof in college. I never liked her. But we got on well, she liked my enthusiasm, maturity and experience. Heck I helped run half her classes for her, and the projects I put together made the department look good, giving them a lot of local publicity and all. We worked together and I took classes from her for a couple years, (required for my major). One quarter I was not doing well and having a tough time getting my final project done. I wrote her an email explaining that I had bipolar and anxiety issues, hoping for yes… some slack cutting. I suppose it worked, not that I really remember. What I do remember is coming back to school the next quarter and seeing her in the hall. I swear she moved to the far side of the hall while passing me and from that point avoided me like the plague. As if I had somehow changed. I was no longer that star student the department had come to know and rely upon, but now some deranged potentially homicidal maniac. Labeled again.

I am a victim not a criminal.

>I don’t trust drug companies because I’m a paranoid freak

Wrong. I don’t trust drug companies because they do what they are supposed to do, that is act like corporations, quite well. They take care of their shareholders and their bottom line.

>What your doctor doesn’t know

What your doctor doesn’t know is anything about nutrition, supplements, eastern medicine, environmental impacts, who really paid for their textbooks, and the economics of treating versus curing patients. I honestly believe they really do not know the politics of pharmacology. What they do know is that testing for things such as mercury toxicity, vitamin deficiencies, allergies, and so forth is not part of a mental health care protocol and not what their bosses want them to be doing. Their sole function is to label and prescribe medications. The more the merrier. Jump on the assembly line.

My therapist doesn’t know what cortisol is. I had to explain it to him.
My primary care provider doesn’t think that there is mercury in amalgam fillings. After explaining to her that I had recently broken a tooth and that my mouth was full of a disgusting metal taste and that had had a sudden onset of frequent headaches, she did not deem it necessary to test me for mercury toxicity or do anything at all.

>Class warfare

Your doctor has a giant ego and is a snob!

>I am a control Freak

Because I like to have a say what goes on and into my body and brain. If I were really serious about improving my health blind trust would prove that.

>My medical health providers worsen my condition. Stress!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Perchance to dream.....

I fondly call my son "teen support", mainly because he built and regularly fixes my computer for me. (handy eh?) That, and he regularly finds cool and sometimes very distracting stuff online for me. Ohhh Reddit... why did I even start you?! Anyhow, he found these two sites and I can now have soft relaxing delta wave loops (or anything relaxing), and nice rain drops playing all night should I feel in need of (yet another) sleep aid. Maybe you would have found these on your own, perhaps you already have, here's hoping some poor sleepless sod may find the links useful.  Sweet dreams :D

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

My wonderful son spent some serious time looking for music that would relax me. He done good! Check it out ->

"On October 16, 2011, Marconi Union created an eight minute track, titled "Weightless", in collaboration with the British Academy of Sound Therapy.
According to scientists at the Mindlab institution (a commercial 'neuromarketing' company) it induced a 65% reduction in overall anxiety and brought test subjects' resting pulse rates to 35% of their usual resting rates. The song features guitar, piano and manipulated field recordings. It is punctuated throughout by low tones that supposedly induce a trance-like state. This piece propelled the band into the media spotlight and news reports, and was reported in newspapers worldwide.[7][8]
In November 2011, Marconi Union were featured in Time magazine's list of Inventors of the Year, for writing and recording "Weightless".[9]" -


Monday, May 13, 2013

Start Me Up!

For many years I’ve made it a hobby to study health, nutrition, and sport. In later years I formally studied recreation and tourism, with an emphasis on tourism management and development. Sadly all that study saw me spending increasing amounts of time in front of a computer instead of the actual participation in sport and physical activity, and it’s taken a serious toll on my health. Add to that my indulgences in drink and smoke, convenience foods, lack of attention to diet, daily stressors, unusual stressors, the toll of chronic health problems,  the inevitable and glorious effects of age on my mind/body/spirit; and I am left here with a somewhat unrecognizable body, and markedly different mental affect. Don’t get me wrong, there are some advantages to this process. As I’ve come to place less importance on looks, how many pushups I can do, and how many tasks I can accomplish in a day. (Some things truly are inevitable as we accept the natural winding down of a once spirited and busy life.) I found I have accepted that it’s sometimes ok to do little; accomplishments can be measured not only in productivity, but in small joys and thoughtful moments. The most important thing I have learned to appreciate is my (now returned) sense of childlike play. And I do like to play.
So while I accept these hard earned wrinkles, the sunspots that pay tribute to happy memories, the less fluid joints, the straining and now lens assisted eyes, and other changes; some gradual, some surprising, some quite profound; I find that I am not yet ready to ride calmly off into that sunset. I believe that vitality need not slip wantonly away and that I do deserve a chance and require the strength that will allow me to enjoy my shifting values and embrace my still keen desire for adventure and play. With this in mind, I have again taken up my quest in learning what I may do to improve my health and attitude, and have a renewed determination in that I will not wither or wane but live in grace and acceptance, with serenity *and* vigor, for as long as time will lend.

All that being said… there’s nothing wrong with being prepared: Bucket list item # 22: Ride in a helicopter.

Here now is how I start my day: May 13th. Lay in bed until I *feel* like getting up. Light stretches, think about meditating, pick up my son’s messes (these young people are in such a hurry to start their day), fire up the computer, drink my morning shot of Garden of Life Perfect food original Super green formula (probably not the best but I found it to be affordable, I usually get mine on Amazon here: ), and pulled out a ready-made frozen smoothie to thaw.

My morning smoothie recipe:
Fresh orange
Organic banana
Unsweeted and unflavored almond milk
Vanilla flavored kosher certified yogurt
Frozen raspberries, blueberries and strawberries (according to Deepak Chopra; frozen foods are less desirable as they are lacking in the live enzymes found in fresh…that was a very loose interpretation…one of us should go find a link… and I’ll have to see if fresh berries might be affordable on my budget now that some are coming locally into season).
Two healthy scoops of protein powder (Genisoy, bought at Fred Meyer, it was cheap but lacking in the amino acids that I normally look for in a protein powder… next time I’ll take my glasses to the store :o  )

-blend until smooth drink one giant mugful and freeze two portions to be consumed on Tuesday and Wednesday.

- -later if I’m still hungry I may have a half multi grain muffin with honey (local is best to help ward off allergies), or small bowl of oatmeal sweetened with blackstrap molasses and mixed with raisons and/or apples and cinnamon. The cinnamon is rich in magnesium and helps to stabilize blood sugar… remind me to buy some blackstrap molasses.

- - - If I were really serious about doing stuff right I’d likely also have an 81mg. chewable aspirin and a shot of Braggs apple cider vinegar, and do some yoga… but let’s not get carried away yes? I’ll go deadhead my flowers instead.


I had a dream… It was late at night and I sat in quiet in the city street. A janitor in a midrise building at work caught my eye. As I watched him slowly work his way from desk to desk in the office he was attending, I thought of all the junk piled up on that desk. Suddenly my focus expanded and I was aware of the generous piles of junk in that office. My mind’s eye zoomed out even more and I could barely comprehend the truly magnificent amount of stuff that was contained in that building. And the building itself. Zooming out even more my awareness took in the massive creation that was one giant heap of manmade junk that was this city. And so many others like it across the world. Piles and piles of stuff littered the earth like giant anthills made of garbage all about the globe. This is our legacy. Astounded I was.
Scaling back some, I’ve lately become very aware of all the garbage littering my body. The many chemicals and compounds that we daily inhale, digest, and absorb. Ewwwwww Yuck! I’ll post more on this later… all the chemicals in my system are making me too lazy to write ;P

Saturday, March 9, 2013


some unpopular thoughts
what if….
Education facilities educated people?
Prisons actually rehabilitated people instead of being profit centers?
What if we let pot smokers, and people stealing food out of prison; and kept murderers, rapists, and pedophiles in?
What if the war on drugs focused on relieving people’s needs for drugs?
What if gun control meant that we controlled guns, starting with the laws we already have?
What if violence against women, children, GLBT, ooo and even men… so I guess that means ALL people were taken seriously? Ouch!
What if we protected our children in schools as much as we do banks, museums, courthouses, “other” public buildings, etc etc…. it’s a value system perhaps?
What if… just once… our politicians told us the truth?? Hahahahahahahahaahahahahaha yr prolly not a good idea anyhow :O
What if we strove to raise future innovators at least as much as we do future soldiers?
What if we took care of the soldiers that sacrificed so much for so many got a fair shake… not the fake kind you give em on the street as you hand them a buck… cuz… u know… cooties ewww :I
What if war criminals… ya know…  the ones that started the wars were treated as criminals?
What if art and science were valued as highly as junk food and celebrities?
What if health care meant caring for people’s health… perhaps even to the point that we stopped throwing experimental poisons at them and looked at real not “doctored” or moneyed interests  research? But actually helped to make people healthy… hmm.
What if we fed the people not the Vatican?  Ooo ouch
What if we realized that capitalism favors those that have capitol, and that socialism would favor … erm society?
What if people that want to impose their religious views on others realized that others with differing religious views… or none… felt the same way?
What if we realized that drug companies and food companies are one and the same…. And we started just eating food… like real food… maybe we wouldn’t need the above?
What if congress were paid on commission… not the way they are now by lobbyists… but by actual results for the people that voted them in?
What if people spent their time doing something or nothing… instead of all their time consuming and discarding?
What if quality time with those you love, meant turning shit off and tuning into them? How much is your time and your loved ones really worth? …. Oooo look at those shoes ;P
What if people realized that eating sick, tortured, diseased and antibiotic- growth- hormone- GMO fed animals was not only bad for the environment… but bad for them… as in will KILL YOU and give you cancer… ok not necessarily in that order :/
Climate change is a myth… and certainly won’t hurt important people… the white ones that is… oh… and I am white… it makes me immune
What if energy efficiency meant…  not the most efficient way for the uber rich to get richer… but utilizing green energy technologies that we already have…and… idk spending money to improve on them?
What if we treated immigrants with respect… cuz hey most of us are… and we need them/us?!?
What if people realized that racism, poverty, and disease ARE political… tough luck if you drew a short- black- brown- third- world straw … ooops our bad :o
What oh what would happened if people realized that religion is a political scam and has nothing at all to do with spirituality, God, or the like. Holy hehe Fing crap… can you see the sh*t hit the fan? How many dead on our hands in the name of what? You better pray it’s not true ;P
What if war were NOT the biggest business on the planet?
And they call me crazy… ooo but they get paid to do that :I

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Say it Aint So!

I don’t understand all this fuss about gun control. 

Let’s get serious, I’ve plenty of guns, and nothing bad has ever happened to me. :o


People should have more guns, look at this smart hockey mom here…you never know when you’ll need a bikini or an rifle at a hockey game eh?

College campuses, you know how kids are and their college pranks.
(Boy shouts: "duck! ... and just kidding!")  

Columbine? Teenagers meh… boys will be boys, whatcha gonna do?

Shopping malls?? Who doesn’t get a little frantic around the holidays? It’s tradition in this country.

That theater thing, I’ll bet he was just trying to warn everybody about the violence in that movie. 
(Nice young red haired chap: "hey don’t watch that movie…it’s really violent… oops")

If those kids at Sandy Hook had all been armed, that never would have happened.

As far as solutions… the solutions are clear: everybody should have a gun, and the mentally disturbed should have at least two? Why do you think they’re disturbed… not enough guns right? 

People with voices in their heads should get as many guns as they have voices, that way they can battle it out amongst themself. (Crazy person: "Hey you’re crazy, I’m not crazy YOU are! Oh ya? Ya! Bang bang bang.") See? That would get rid of all those pesky voices. 

I think the NRA has it right…. Blame the people in Hollywood!

At any rate… there’s nothing to worry about… people in Washington are sorting it all out now. 

After all… why shouldn’t people who live in gated communities and have private security be making decisions for the rest of us?

It’s like people with penises making decisions for people with vaginas. It must be alright it’s been going on for thousands of years.  Or white people making decisions for black ones. That’s worked out pretty ok so far.

It's not like gun violence affects us all anyway :o

So... don't have a Coke and a smile...have a LOT of COKE and a really BIG gun!